Disquieting Effect

On Sunday evening Jobina and I picked up our kids from my parent's house (we occasionally drop them off there) and we were hanging out before making the long drive home. My Dad mentioned that the sermon in his church that morning was on contentment. As he started telling us about it, he mentioned that the pastor asked the church to answer the question "Are you content?" For some reason when my Dad said that, I noticed that it had a disquieting effect on me. Ever had that happen to you? Someone mentions something and internally it kind of throws you a bit. Maybe some discomfort. Or the hint of fear. Emotionally you react to it and the overall effect is somewhat unsettling. "Hmmm . . . that's interesting," I thought, trying to be the professional counselor and being self-aware of the effect it was having on me.

Then my Dad mentioned that the pastor said that it was up to us to "choose to be content." That's when the disquieting effect really kicked in. I found myself questioning this out loud. "How is that possible, " I asked, "and what does it look like?" My parents must have noticed the slightly different edge to my voice and looked at me curiously. Later on the ride home I told Jobina about my internal reaction to the conversation. I think that the idea of contentment is something that has always mystified me. How can you be content without being complacent? How can one be content in the moment yet still fervently pursue worthwhile accomplishments and vision? What is the secret to this. I think that I experience moments of contentment but my Dad's comments stirred something deeper in me, a knowledge that my desire to experience contentment is not being adequately met. I have been thinking about it for the past few days and the thinking has been good. Sometimes a disquieting effect is just what the doctor ordered. . .