Terrible

This is in regards to the "*" in my last post:


At OG the other day (my last day) I had an unsettling experience. Courtney, one of the servers and I were talking. I asked her how her last night had been. "Terrible!" she said. "I made no money. Remember your friend, the one who is training to be a minister, who was in here last night? He and his friend had, like, six bowls of soup each and stayed for forever. And then? They stiffed me. What's worse is that I knew they would."

I felt myself wincing. The "friend" they were talking about was a Christian I know. I don't know him very well but . . . "Well," I stammered, "he's not exactly a friend, but more of an acquaintance. But as far as I know, he's not planning to become a minister. What makes you think that?"

Courtney warmed to the subject "Well, him and his friends sometimes have their Bibles when they come in. They always run me ragged and give me $%@& in return. Oh, and last night he looked me in the eye and said 'Thank you so much for the excellent service.' Everyone here knows him and us veterans refuse to serve him if we see him come in. When he and his family come in for pasta bowl they run us off our feet and always leave nothing. I'm never going to serve him again. I know he's your friend and everything but I thought you should know. . . "

I sighed to myself and shook my head. Why do Christians do this? This person probably has no idea that he is known as being a stiffer and that he is known as being a Christian. As you know from my previous posts here and here, I believe strongly that Christians ought to tip in this culture, whether they feel like it or not. I don't care what your principles are, if everyone tips and you don't you look like garbage - that's the simple truth. My "friend" here is totally destroying his witness (not to mention Christians in general) by not tipping and then giving the "verbal tip" as a final insult. It's distressing because he should know better. It's appalling really.

"Well, I guess I need to talk to him," I said. The problem is, when people should know better, what can actually help them to see the light? What can break them out of their idealogical view that "I don't get tipped for my job, why should I tip someone else? " kind of thinking. I have had very little success so far in helping people see how their actions hurt others (including our witness as Christ followers) and changing someone's heart so that they actually want to tip generously seems even more daunting. Yet, I know that shouldn't hold me back.

I can't change his ideas or his actions and I can't control him. But I feel like I should at least give him some feedback, some information for growth. He should know that:

1. The servers at OG know he is a Christian.
2. The servers at OG think he is cheap and that he works them hard for no reward.
3. The servers at OG recognize him when he comes in, speak badly of him, and don't want to serve him (sometimes refusing to!).
4. Wether it should be or not, his decision not to tip puts him in a group of less then 8% of our guests and is hurting his witness considerably.


I would also frontload him for it by letting him know that I have some information for growth for him but that I only want to share it with him if he thinks he can take it. It might be upsetting, embarassing, and he may or may not like it. He might feel some angry thoughts towards me for sharing it. He may not also agree with it, but it is honest and is not judging motives. I would leave it up to him to decide if he would want me to proceed.

It's sad because this kind of information could destroy any chance of he and I having a relationship, but it would be speaking the truth and I would only do it if I was feeling like I could do it in a loving way. What do you think, should I do it? What do you think of my approach? Would you do it differently (add or subtract anything)? I guess I'm looking for some feedback on my proposed feedback. The easiest thing would be to ignore it, especially now that I'm not waitering anymore. But if I was in his shoes I'd want someone to care enough about me to let me know the impact my actions were having on others (and especially on my witness) . . .

May Light increase!